Things never seem to go quite as planned. It just seems that every so often things go totally haywire in an avalanche of absolute chaos and there’s nothing to do but hold on and survive. Then comes damage control and from there the putting back together of things into some semblance of order. Once that’s done,it is time to reflect and make adjustments where I need to. That’s where I’m at in the process-returning things to order and making necessary changes in my life to get where I want to be. In the last few months so much has happened and I’ve felt absolutely buried in just keeping things going. I’ve had to let go of a few things and some things I’ve had to put off. It’s all about priorities, responsibility and time management. This blog is one of those things I felt I had to put off for a bit in order to devote more time to my education. This is still a priority. I’ve thought about this, meditated and prayed. I am in a  better position now and have decided to continue with this blog.

Some of the challenges that I have had to face are family oriented. My aging mother just moved from a home she shared with my father for a number of years and I helped her with that. My father passed away last June and she has had some problems adjusting. We all have. My daughter is struggling with alcoholism and codependency. As a result, I am raising my 18 month old granddaughter. My nine year old son is home       all day for summer vacation and my 20 year old stepson is home for summer as well. My wife works during the day and I pick up light construction projects here and there. Child care is my primary responsibility. I’m busy! I have a baby to look after! That has almost become my new mantra. I am also currently enrolled in a program teaching me to become an integrative nutrition coach. It’s a year long intensive program and so far I’ve been impressed with what they have taught me. Awesomely impressed! (It helped save my relationship!) I have a website to build and this blog to keep going. Some way, some how there has to be enough time and resources to accomplish all these things as well as take care of myself.

One of the biggest problems that I have is in getting caught up in reacting instead of acting. When things inevitably go crazy and all the world is demanding all my attention it can be really hard to take a step back and just breathe. I feel like just as I kind of catch my breath the next crisis begins. Even now as I write this my granddaughter is waking up from her nap and I might have to bale and continue and later. (Thank you for “save draft”!). I have learned to use my time better by listing out what my priorities are and the order of their importance to me. I have had to set new boundaries with my daughter and let go of worrying about how that will affect her. As a matter of fact she stopped talking to me the friday before Father’s Day. It is up to her to respect the boundaries that I’ve set- or not. I delegate tasks and chores to the boys more now. I do not have to do everything. I am not responsible for everything! I am not responsible for other people’s choices, esp. when it comes to my 22 year old daughter. I take responsibility for my part in things and leave the rest.

What I have learned is that there is beauty among the thorns. I am feeling better about my goals, my life direction and the world around me. I had to let go of some things and may have lost a few people along the way but the journey so far is so much more worth it. I feel like I did when I first started with this program-excited, inspired and ready to create a new future. I am alive! After writing this I realize just how important this blog is to me. It helps me to gather and focus my thoughts and then express them. Even more it brings things up for me that I need to look at later. There were some emotions going on when I wrote about my daughter. I love her very much and will support her efforts towards recovery but cannot slip back into a pattern of enabling. This blog is one of those rare and beautiful finds among the thorns of recent events. Oh, and thank the heavens for yoga! Just breathe and relax until the next post.